4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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