You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
