im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Alive.
So much puke
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
