I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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