he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
