Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
