This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
