like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
