put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We are two peas in an std pod
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
