also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
