Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
