I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
