I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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