remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
