Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
