I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
