guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
