Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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