Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Shame is for Republicans.
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