Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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