Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
