Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
