im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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