I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
