you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
