i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
