When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I stole a fireplace last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
