i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
