I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
