The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
