So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
