He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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