i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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