there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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