i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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