she was so not down for the gang bang
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
