i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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