I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
