when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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