just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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