So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Apparently you make a good broom.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
