if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize