He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
