The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
