he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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