pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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