I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
