You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
