Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
