my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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