sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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