Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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