There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
