so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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