we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize