im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
