She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
