You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize