Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
