Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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