saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
