We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
