Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
