and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
