There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
