How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
