I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
