so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
