Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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