Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
