Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
