drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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