I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
