I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize