my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
