"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
