Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
