i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
