the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
