im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
