Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
