So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
