i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
