zippers are such a cool invention
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
