Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize