Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize