Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
