We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
foreskin is a definite game changer
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
