yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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