just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
