She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
