im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
