just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
