He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
