Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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