Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pants are for mortals
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
