Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
