she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
