i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
