He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
