He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
