Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
