I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
